Wideo of the Week

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Karma Vista?

By Arnie Zemzow

Microsoft's CEO, Satya Nadella stated Monday that Microsoft values and compensates female and male labor equally, according to Thomson Reuters.

Nadella has since been inundated with criticism. After presenting Microsoft's new cloud technologies, the Microsoft chairman stated that "women best not ask for a raise at work, relying on good karma." 

 

To an aghast audience, he continued: "It's not worth asking for higher wages, but it might be worth to understand and trust in the system that will reward those who do good on their career paths. This, in my opinion, is one of the additional advantages which women possess - those who do not request higher wages. This is all because of the connection with good karma. It will all come back in the future, because someone will understand that they will be trusted by others, leading to greater added responsibility."

The head of Microsoft later apologized for his comments and remarked that he was unclear with his words. Beyond that, he expressed his belief in the remuneration mechanism of Microsoft: "We, as a whole, are in great shape. Men and women receive equal pay at Microsoft." At the same time, Nadella admitted that gender roles is a sphere where Microsoft needs guidance. 

According to popular business and recruiting magazine Glassdoor, men at Microsoft all receive higher wages than women in analogous situations. These stats are based on a narrow scope of data, which are submitted to Glassdoor by Microsoft employees themselves. At Microsoft headquarters, female employees only comprise about a third of the total staff.

1001 Arabian Canals

By Alexander Vittorgan

The Egyptian government promulgated Sunday, October 18, the final agreements with six international corporations on accord of the construction of a Suez Canal alternative, according to Thompson Reuters. This is the flagship project of president Abdul Fattah al-Sisi's economic restoration program. The Egyptian economy is currently in dire straits due to the political instability of late. The construction of the new canal will be actualized with the enlisted help of UAE, The Netherlands, Belgium, and the US.

The Egyptian authorities hope that the new canal will increase national profits from waterways by 2023 twofold - from 5 billion dollars to 13.5. In the same vein, there are plans to construct a figurative rest stop for boats carrying large loads.

The head of the Suez Canal administration, General Lt. Mohab Meshim informed the public of their intention to begin work no later than next week, finishing before the fall of next year. According to Meshim, Egyptian engineers have already begun extensive research and will continue alongside their international colleagues.

The new yet-unnamed canal will stream parallel to an old land route, existing for more than 150 years. The Suez Canal is the shortest passage between the Indian Ocean and the Mediterranean Sea. Critical to commericial and, to an extent, biological life, the Suez Canal is the dominant source of international capital and investment. That is amplified in its importance in these uneasy times of weakened economic structures and financial systems since the Tahrir Revolution of 2011. 

This is the Suez Canal, as it is seen from space. If the Suez Canal is at 10 o'clock on a watch, the new canal will run at 8 o'clock.

The UAE, Saudi Arabia and Kuwait sacrificed billions of dollars in aid since Sisi, the former Minister of Defense, rose to power through his own military coup, overthrowing Muhammed Morsi, the legitimately-elected president of the Muslim Brotherhood party.

Wideo of the Week

Here's your wideo of the week.

The Bane of the Ukraine

 By Nathan Ausubel

               For the past year, Russia and Ukraine have engaged in a bitter struggle. The Ukrainian government, led by President Petro Poroshenko, wants to gravitate towards the European Union. Poroshenko realizes that an Association Agreement would bring much needed trade to the faltering Ukrainian economy, and he is eager to break free of Russian dependence. Unfortunately for him, Russian President Vladimir Putin stands in his way.

               Putin has grand plans for Russia. He wants to build Russian influence in the region by spearheading a new economic union called the Eurasian Economic Union. Russia desperately wants Ukraine to join this economic union. Putin will use any methods necessary to accomplish this goal, even stopping the gas pipes in Ukraine and refusing to pay off Russian debt to the gas company Gazprom.

               Ukraine finds itself in an unwieldy situation. Poroshenko needs to break his dependence on Russian gas, but he is faced with grim reality: according to the European Commission, as much as 66% of Ukraine’s natural gas came from Russia in 2006. If Gazprom fails to reach a gas agreement with the Kiev government, it can stop the pipes, which has immediate consequences for Ukraine and Eastern European countries. Gazprom carried through with this threat in January 2006 and January 2009, and Ukraine is certainly not eager to experience a similar situation in the future.

               To make matters worse, the European Union is reluctant to give a helping hand to Ukraine. European countries are just as dependant on Russian gas as Ukraine, if not more so, and they too face the threat of Gazprom stopping the gas. According to the European Commission, in 2007 Russia was the sole supplier of natural gas to several E.U. countries, including Estonia, Finland, Latvia, and Lithuania, according to the European Commission. Russia also supplied 98% of gas exports to Slovakia and 92% of exports to Bulgaria. European countries are afraid to take comprehensive steps against Russia when Gazprom can retaliate with economic penalties.

               The European Union is, of course, responsible for some economic sanctions. It has frozen the assets of leading Russian officials and businessmen, revoked their visas, and suspended trade with leading Russian businesses with close ties with the Kremlin, such as Bank Rossiya. These efforts are, unfortunately, halfhearted at best because the E.U. is heavily reliant on Russian trade.

               With the European Union concerned with Russian commerce, only the United States can stand up to Putin. The United States’ sanctions are still selective sanctions, but American diplomats have acted faster to condemn Russia’s annexation of Crimea and support for eastern separatists.

               Unfortunately, the United States’ sanctions campaign is almost certainly doomed to fail. In general, economists estimate that sanctions only have a 25% to 30% chance of success. The situation in Russia is no exception. Though the sanctions are a nuisance, Russia can bypass the sanctions by pursuing closer relations with China and Iran. Russia can also retaliate with its own sanctions. It has already banned European food products, and it is starting to seize American and European assets.

               Sanctions are failing to shift public opinion in Russia. From October 2013 to August 2014, Putin’s approval rating actually rose from 64% to 84%. Sanctions are failing to turn public opinion against the Russian government. The Russian people, more than ever, are firmly behind Putin’s foreign policy. With the Russian media leading many Russians to believe that Ukraine is led by a fascist, human rights-abusing government, Putin is finding little opposition on the home front.

               There is little more that the United States and European Union can hope to accomplish from sanctions. They rely too much on Russian trade and have too much to lose from a military confrontation to risk taking more severe measures against Russia. Ukraine will find little help from the Western world in coming days. Russia may have agreed to a cease fire, but Ukraine’s eastern regions are still under Russian de facto control. As long as Russian separatists control the eastern regions, and as long as Gazprom controls the supply of gas, Ukraine will never join the European Union.

Poroshenko’s dreams of a united Ukraine are over. With little doubt, Putin has scored a victory against the West.

The Psychology of Ebola

By Jacob Ausubel 

According to the World Health Organization, the 2014 Ebola epidemic resulted in 3,439 confirmed casualties by October 3^rd. The number of Ebola cases in West Africa could reach 1.4 million by the end of this year. Considering that the current strain of Ebola is highly virulent and has about a 50% fatality rate, thousands of people will most likely die in October, November, and December. Scientists are concerned that the problem could become more severe if Ebola spreads to other countries or if the virus becomes airborne. The United Nations estimated that $1 billion is required to contain the epidemic. However, the international community only invested a fraction of that cost by the beginning of October. 

The lackluster response to Ebola makes sense from a psychological perspective. In a study published in the Journal of Neuroscience on October 9^th, 2013, a team of Max Planck researchers made several observations about human empathy. According to the paper, people who are in an “agreeable and comfortable situation” have difficulty empathizing with an individual’s suffering. This research suggests that westerners, unacquainted with Ebola prior to 2014 and accustomed to receiving high-quality health service, do not find the problem in West Africa relatable.

Another explanation for the response is that people spend more time focusing on positive outcomes than negative outcomes. Research conducted by neuroscientist Elizabeth Phelps suggests

that the “[direction] of thoughts of the future toward the positive” is due to the interaction between the frontal cortex, a part of the brain, with subcortical regions deep inside of the brain. Phelps’ research suggests that members of the public are not spending enough time thinking about the spread of the Ebola virus across the globe. Consequently, an inadequate amount of money is being spent to mitigate the effects of the virus. In fact, a CNN survey released in mid-September 2014 indicates that only 27% of Americans are worried about getting Ebola.

Americans should be far more concerned about Ebola than they are right now. The spread of the virus poses a risk not only to people’s lives but also to the global economy as well. The situation is not necessarily helpless. People are capable of empathizing with others, as the research of the Max Planck scientists suggests. The United States should inform citizens about the dangers of the virus so that Americans empathize more with the suffering of West Africans.

CDC Finds Idibola More Harmful Than Ebola

09H00M----ATLANTA, GA, USA

The head of the Center for Disease Control (CDC) announced Monday that researchers have found “a new threat to public health of the United States and the world.” Answering questions about what these sinister words meant, Dr. Thomas Frieden remarked that “the disease is a derivative of the Ebola pandemic. We’re concerned about this development. Our team notes that these offspring appear during any crisis.” Pressured further by disgruntled CBS host Bob Schieffer, Frieden flatly announced, “It’s called Idibola. Given the stupidity of the population, we’ve noticed a widespread misinformation about Ebola. If I go any further into it, people are going to get scared of Idibola, too.” Frieden, seen obviously upset by the encounter, got up, put on his stethoscope, picked up his medical bag, and headed out to a waiting ambulance outside the studio. “Yes, it’s my car. Screw off,” he sneered.  

We heard "Born to Be Wild" blasting out of the ambulance as the nation's top medical researcher drove away.

Ebola has been spreading at rapid rates around the United States. 6,000 Africans have been confirmed with Ebola, while already four Americans have been diagnosed with Ebola. It has been reflected on the public. Long lines at John F. Kennedy International Airport in New York have instated screenings for Ebola before departure. Multiple airports around the world have seen delays, interruptions, or even closures, such as at Newark International Airport. According to Mayo Clinic medical expert Mark Affenberg, these are all dangerous signs.

“These are symptoms consistent with Idibola. We have not seen this sort of case of pandemonium from a disease since Swine Flu. This country is especially predisposed to such medical afflictions. The United States is not nearly as well-equipped for an educated response to world threats to public health as Europe, such as we have seen with Ebola. The numbers are everywhere: we are simply less apt to being informed and aware of the truths about medical issues in the world,” asserted Dr. Affenberg

FFSOM has found that the numbers agree with the sentiment. 41.5% of Americans get vaccinated from influenza each year, compared to around 85% of Canadians, according to the United Nations report on the well-being of the child.

“The issue is, Ebola is only transmitted through liquidity associations – fecal matter, sweat, saliva – that’s about it. The people who get up in arms about flying next to someone who talked to someone who looked at someone who emailed someone with signs of Ebola are the primary examples of Idibola carriers. They are real and they are frightening,” continued Affenberg.

The story is rather different in DeRidder, Louisiana, where the Church of the Holy Father has been preaching dangerous faux-facts about Ebola. According to testimonies, Father Thomas imparts that, "I have told you, my docile ones, that all things internet are harmful. Now we have E-bola! First e-mail, now e-bola. What's next? e-communism? e-gays? e-lesbians?" All of the church members have been quarantined for Idibola. We were granted special access to the CDC’s laboratory to speak to them. One of the congregation members agreed to talk to FFSOM on condition of anonymity. 

Church of the Holy Spirit, DeRidder, Louisiana has been shut down and cornered off due to the recent Idibola outbreak.

“We don’t need no homiesexuals [sic.] or Nazis or Commies bringing us Ehbawla [sic.]. One breath and you’re out. I got my rifles ready, my garanades [sic.]. Uncle Tommy thinks the Islamo-muslims [sic.] bringing it to Louisiana. We pray to Lord Jesus to stop the onslaught of Ebola, but we don’t think Jesus wanna help us poor souls in DeRidder.”

When asked what Ebola does, this person answered, “I don’t know. Do I look like a doctor to you?"



DISCLAIMER: This article is satirical in nature. It is not intended to be factual or serious. All characters, places, or situations appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, places, or situations is purely coincidental.